It’s really nice knowing we can just decide one day to hop in the car and take off for a destination, although this wasn’t the case last week. Beth had not seen our granddaughter in almost four months, so we headed up to the DC area for a couple of days to see she and her family.
This is a trip we took monthly during the house-building process throughout 2021, so it should have been routine. Unfortunately the nine hour travel day turned into eleven hours with multiple traffic backups. The next morning we drove around our old neighborhood- checking out the new Amazon HQ building- before getting to see the granddaughter for a couple of hours. I then broke off and headed up to see my parents in SE Pennsylvania- transiting around DC and Baltimore on a Friday afternoon is never any fun, and this trip was no exception.
If you’ve spent time at this blog, you’ll know about my detailing of trips to see my 90+ year old parents, given that I’m looking through the time prism at myself 25 years from now.
- Losing one’s mobility has to be one of the biggest impacts on quality of life for them. Neither can go very far without needing a walker. Having a scooter at home, and at stores, is a major plus for them. Stairs are a no-go. Add the lack of energy and any movement from one part of the apartment to another becomes a significant event.
- If one falls, the other is pretty helpless other than pulling the cord to request assistance. Getting in/out of a traditional bathtub- no way. Getting into and out of bed is an effort. Putting on socks and shoes- major effort if able to at all. And all these efforts which we take for granted at our younger age takes 4 times longer to accomplish. Laundry- another big challenge that takes considerably longer.
- They like to prepare at least one meal per day (they don’t have to, but want to).
- Start with grocery shopping (yes, the Papa still drives, but shouldn’t- separate story) which can be an all-day event. Often the groceries don’t get put away until the next day due to lack of energy.
- Ordering groceries online and having them delivered is a great service…..if you’re computer literate (see related comments below).
- Everything takes longer to prepare, and watch out for the sharp utensils.
- Not having the hand/arm strength to open jars, etc. presents challenges. Yes, I know there are instruments that help with these efforts, but it’s much more difficult for them now than it was 25 years ago.
- If something drops on the floor- food scraps, utensils- they might stay there for a while given the difficulties of bending down.
- Of course cleaning up after takes considerably more energy as well.
- Start with grocery shopping (yes, the Papa still drives, but shouldn’t- separate story) which can be an all-day event. Often the groceries don’t get put away until the next day due to lack of energy.
- Gradual loss of memory has to be most frustrating. Even if one is good at writing things down (phone numbers, appointments, etc.), you still have to remember where you wrote it down. Mom can sort of use the computer, but Dad has no clue. I don’t know how anyone can navigate today’s world without at least some computer knowledge.
- Difficulties in remembering to pay bills and take medicines when you’re supposed to can cause big problems, to say nothing of dealing with phone or online scams.
These are just the things I observed in the first few hours with them, hardly a complete list. What am I missing?
The obvious comment is, “It’s time to move from independent living to assisted living.” Easy for us to say, not so much when it’s you. There’s a combination of stubbornness and fear of losing one’s liberties making it difficult to pull the trigger. That decision making process is worth another post.
So after a short 20 hour visit with the parents, it was time to go back to seeing the granddaughter, then make the long travel day back to TN. Traffic not so bad going back, but we were more tired than normal after the trip. Must be getting old. Gradually.
And headed back up there next week for a funeral.