(I would be a thoughtless, uncaring uncle if I didn’t start this blog post without acknowledging today- Saturday, June 22, 2024- as the most important day of my niece Samantha’s life- God bless you and Connor as you begin your life together in marriage!)
One thing the American media seems to feel obligated to do is put labels on subjects, which I assume they do to make their job of “informing” easier. Generational age groups are a primary target. Examples include the Greatest Generation (nicely captured by journalist Tom Brokaw in the book of the same title), the Baby Boomers, Millennials, and Generations X, Y, Z with their loosely-defined birth year parameters. Then there are the Latchkey Kid and Boomerang Children labels with their variable, rolling birth year parameters.
Another label fitting into this latter category is the Sandwich Generation– those middle-aged adults sandwiched between elderly parents and their own children when both require financial or other support. This is a relatively new label- apparently the media believes today’s Sandwich Generation is the first to have to deal with such responsibilities. They are not. But I applaud the American media for shedding light on this situation (Editorial Note: I don’t think this issue is nearly as prolific as journalists would have you believe, nevertheless…..).
I find myself in the less responsible role of helping 90 plus year old parents navigate through their later years of life (I share these responsibilities with two younger brothers). If you’ve read earlier posts about my parents, you know about many of their elder-age challenges brought on by reduced physical and mental capabilities. We knew these issues were coming up, and I confess to not making myself better prepared to help them handle late-in-life realities. Further, in the past year I’ve talked with more than a dozen peers going through the same parent-support experiences. Physical distance from my parents puts a unique spin on our experiences: being 600 miles from my parents means monthly visits are probably the best I can hope for, while a friend of mine has his father living barely a mile from him. This short distance translates to his dealing with considerably more age-related issues than I do. Maybe my friend sleeps better at night.
There are so many issues. Financially, moving into assisted living dramatically changed month-to-month cash flow and brings near the possibility of outliving one’s savings. Are bills being received and paid on time? Are the parents having to deal with predators trying to take advantage of their reduced capacity to make good judgements? Do we know about ALL their financial assets and liabilities?* There are mobility and physical concerns, health/medical issues, and diminishing mental capacities which impact every single issue. Scratching the surface here…..
I’m sure the majority of us face these family responsibilities in our lifetime, and that we do so ungrudgingly (hopefully that is a real word). My family is blessed- moving into old age was a gradual evolution for my parents, and multiple children are able/willing to help out. Otherwise, all problems with elder parents are compounded.
We are also fortunate in that we are not our parents’ caretakers, at least for now. Becoming caretakers for parents is a completely different situation in so many respects, so much so that I don’t feel qualified to describe such a drastic transition in either set of lives. Instead, I will leave it to some better-qualified resources below, for now. It’s quite possible I eventually become an expert in this field through first-hand experience.
https://www.oakstreethealth.com/caring-for-aging-parents-12-steps-to-achieve-success-543209
https://www.apa.org/topics/aging-older-adults/elder-care
Take heart, though. Read post #64 about medical breakthroughs impacting life longevity. More to follow on this subject in the near term, I am sure.
A Post Script note, having just made my first pass through my parents’ files under my new Power of Attorney (POA) authority. My parents have real difficulty remembering previous conversations now, making financial issues considerably more difficult to settle. Fortunately there were only a couple of minor surprises found in their records. But it’s probably a matter of 1-2 months before I have to increase my intervention of their administrative dealings. Taking serious notes for my future…..
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* Recently I read multiple articles about family survivor members who almost threw away $5,000 – $10,000 cash from parents who hid bills amongst favorite books- the parents didn’t tell anyone about the hidden cash prior to passing away.